Children and dogs are as necessary to the welfare of the country as Wall Street and the railroads.

Harry S. Truman

Miss Daisy, Roving Reporter

Hi

Hope all is well with you and your dog.

Well, the preliminary evidence is in. According to the New York Times, 2006/01/17, there is a report that five trained dogs were able to detect cancer in the breath of cancer sufferers with 99 per cent accuracy.

These dogs are smart and potential candidates for admission to MENSA for dogs. The premise is that tumors exude small amount of alkenes and benzene derivatives not found in healthy tissue.

The article goes on to extol the noses of these dogs in that they can pick up odors in the low parts-per-billions range. (You can forget all those Hollywood’s star noses and admire the biggie ones we have…how did a Hollywood nose ever contribute to your health?) The jury is out on Pugs’ noses, however.

Our noses can be trained to detect skin cancers or react to dried urine from healthy people and those with bladder cancer with uncanny accuracy. You give us a treat, a belly rub, and a car ride and who knows what we’ll do.

Another study, using five dogs borrowed from Guide Dogs For The Blind, were trained as if detecting bombs. They repeatedly heard a clicker and got a treat when they found a desired odor in many identical smelling spots.

I shouldn’t be mentioning this this soon but we are also working on detecting breast cancer. We have been right on 88 per cent of the time using a smaller number of samples with no false positives, and that compares favorably to mammograms. (I won’t ask how Hollywood has helped you here either with implants and lifts.)

Advice: Please don’t start chemotherapy based on these preliminary dog tests. Get a biopsy first.

You can also get all the cat scans you want but the MENSA for dogs organization is working on a dog scan due to come out in the near future. It will tell us who to bite and who not to. Cats can’t do that. After all, we are your best friends and we need greater support and recognition in order to fund these breakthroughs. (A liver snap will do for now.)

By the way did I tell you that the animal control guy in Embarrass, Mn., my hometown, once told me that he almost lost his job because he loved dogs too much. He would let them either escape or substitute a cat instead. Nice guy.

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